فقط انتظر النهاية!

لم تصبح الحياة كما كنت أتمناها، بل أصبحت بشعة مضجرة فقط أريدها أن تنتهي.

البقع المظلمة تزداد داخل عقلي كالطاعون، أشعر بها تقتل خلاياه وتمتص منه الحياة. 

كم أتمنى أن تنتهي تلك الحياة المضجرة أو أن اتحلى بالشجاعة لإنهاءها لكن فقط أمي من يمنعني وتخيل دموع أبي. 

أما أنا لا انتظر شئ سوى النهاية، لا أشعر بها تقترب ولكنها حتمًا ستأتي وحينها سأتبخر في هذا الفضاء السرمدي بلا شعور بالوحدة أو الضجر.. بلا أي شعور. 

A life of unemployment workaholic

Do you guys know when life can't get any worse?

Well, it gets worse and you feel bluer and emptiness in your soul. This time you spend when there's nothing to do to pull yourself back up after you're hitting rock bottom is the worse.

All you're having in your mind is self-doubt and that you're not good enough for someone to hire you or take and all the failed trials make you even worse and one thought controls your mind "this life is not worth it, let's end it". Every hope you get when someone interviews you for a job but then never calls again breaks you into pieces and makes you know that you're not good enough and the longer the process it takes, the deeper the hate you have to yourself. 

And start feels the regret why I ever quit my job before getting a new one and remember that you did it for your mental health, but you're in Egypt your mental health is only okay if you have money. 

So here I am; without a job, broke, and all that I want is to die.

I'm back, this means shit got down again
the same spot with minor changes, more grey hair and wrinkles maybe more money than last time but going to waste. still hopes down and waiting for a smile of destiny. 

so here i'm again checking off something form the list http://b-psycho.blogspot.com/2014/04/to-do-list.html
so i got a job after i went back to my last job and quit it again
i finally finished the damn collage
i'm going to travel unfortunately non of the countries that i listed but it's an inside trip to amazing place so i hope i have fun and get drunk and stoned :D
and that's all for this post   

list of unachievements

so about this list http://b-psycho.blogspot.com/2014/04/to-do-list.html 
i got a job and quit it after 5 months, didn't get any courses, still working on my english and i hope to be this my final year in college .
still skinny didn't hit the gym and i'm broke .
there's another goal to join the unachieved goals: i must get a Green Fairy bottle before the end of 2015.

I salute you

for those who passing by i salute you. 

http://b-psycho.blogspot.com/2014/04/to-do-list.html

about this list... i got a job but it's temporary and i'm gonna leave it in 3 weeks
i'm trying to do some french learning at home
and i'll go to the gym after  i quit
and it's only one year before graduation  "i think i can make it and graduate in this year and i hope it's actually happens "
that's it .